Seasons Greetings

Wishing all my readers a restful festive holiday and lets all hope for a peaceful 2009

(photo taken a year or so ago near home and the poem I still read to my children!)

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

by Clement Clarke Mooreor Henry Livingston
Twas the night before Christmas,

when all through the houseNot a creature was stirring,

not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snowGave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

but a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted,

and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling,

I heard on the roofThe prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

We Know Mason...

The debut Album from We Know Mason: 'you do' - treat your ears it's just brilliant!

Ah - if like me you had no idea what or who Mason is then welcome to the over 40's club my friends!

I had a quick peek at the Urban Dictionary to find that this was something that someone once muttered to a door man at a nightclub in ...somewhere ...and it appeared to allow access. I guess its the same with: I'm with Bob or John or Steve - bound to be one of those in every club.

I digress - for what this actually is (is also) is the name of one of the most exciting bands that I have heard in many years. I was once ...a long time ago a club and radio DJ - yes I was...hard to believe- I know! So I always consider my ears to be a pretty good judge of the likely future success of a band or song - and this time they have gone into overdrive (my ears that is).

So get yourself along to the following and listen for yourself:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/weknowmason
http://www.weknowmason.com/

the debut single 'The Country' can be viewed on YouTube:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=TeTwwRviqjg

I wish WKM well and look forward to the album - and note how much the music business has changed in last 25 years...own label, own video, own promotion (viral) and OWNERSHIP by the people that produce the music...not the sickly sweet karaoke nonsense that we have seen on Saturday nights of late (and wonderfully parodied by Peter Kaye's Geraldine McQueen) that does oh so little for real music and musicianship and for that matter Creative Industry Marketing!

'Stay tuned for more rock and roll'

JHD

Sorry for the delay!

Winter mornings in North Wales!

Sorry for the delay! Well come on: it is that time of year!

Seriously a few major projects off my desk and I can enjoy the holiday Christmas and Hanukkah - it's been a pretty busy few weeks in all and hence few blog postings.

But all has not remained still - I've been a media tart for weeks, doing the round of Radio and TV commenting on the economic situation here in Wales - I just wish it were about better news most of the time - but history tells us (and Shumpeter) that times of 'Creative Destruction' are also times of entrepreneurial growth...there is opportunity in every situation (more about this soon).

The photo above was taken at the top of the 'Horseshoe Pass' near Llangollen last week - when I was making my way to see dear friends at The Patchwork Food company in Ruthin - this really is the most beautiful part of the world and if you have never been here then please do so very soon as early on a winters morning the scenery is outstanding...as I hope you can see from the photo!

Patchwork are the makers of the worlds finest pate - seriously - their customers are amongst the most respected of foodies in the world and you will find their products at the best deli counters in the UK and the US - you can thankfully buy on line too! Check out the chocolate pate - which is brilliant and place an order with Jenny today: http://www.patchwork-pate.co.uk/ or just check out the web site as it's as vibrant and jolly as Maggs and Jenny and Rufus and Marcus are!

Oh yeah! - why (other than meeting old mates) was I there? Well one of my PhD students, Louise and I are undertaking some research into sociolinguistics, marketing and entrepreneurship...OK the subject of my PhD thesis (that Louise is wisely further developing!) and Patchwork are one of our case studies...along with Penderyn Whisky and '42 below' Vodka - spot the hidden agenda! More of this research in future months as we develop the insights (along with Jackie Harris of course - sometime I need to write a blog about Jackie as those who have not met her may not fully appreciate all the connections - OK that can wait for a future edition).

More about PhD students in tomorrows blog - this time it's rock and roll!!

To end just now though on some sad news - the award winning publication (for which I was a columnist from edition one) The Business - has been shelved by it's publishers...due to inclement economic conditions. This means that for now Agent Squirrel will live on line until the book comes out - or until someone offers him a new home in a magazine or newspaper or even TV!

Chat soon,

JHD

Entrepreneurs in London

The great Professor Eddie Obeng and the brilliant Professor Stephen Brown alongside some other bloke with a red hankie and Chicago GSB tie!

I have a confession to make - every now and again I enjoy going to London and forcing myself to take a commuter tube ride with millions of other people - all that pushing and prodding and heat and people sneezing on you...the faint aroma of BO...fantastic! No seriously it is...because I get a swift reminder of how lucky we are to live in Wales and avoid such daily trauma!


OK - so spent most of yesterday with the people at Fresh Business Thinking at an event called 'Entrepreneurs in London' which was at times good and at times not so good - such are these events - I'll probably tell you more as the weeks pass on that one - but I did get involved in some tele whilst I was there. Speaking of which - thanks to all of those viewers who send email messages (ranging from the very nice to the downright insulting :-)) about my 'performance' on the news on Wednesday night. There I was doing a bit for the radio about the Hoover situation and the next thing I know I'm having makeup and a live camera thrust at me...and they wanted some sensible words too!! All good fun except I wish it were about better economic news than job losses in some of our poorest communities. But at times like this we need enterprise so lets all push for tax breaks for entrepreneurial activity and a further push on the banking sector to get off its collective backside and get the credit flowing again...


Phew -


As you will see above a picture from the LeadOn event - hosted by the University last week. Tonight I'm off to the Welsh Woman of the Year Awards in Cardiff - no - I'm not up for an award! I'm going in my capacity as a board member of Young Enterprise - who I have been a supporter of for many years and I would encourage anyone in the business community to likewise support (drop me an email if you would like more info) - so a full report by next week.


Finlay on the matter of London - there is only one saving grace about a trip to the smoke - that it offers a chance to drop into Selfridges and people watch, enjoy a coffee and experience customer service like a Lord!


JHD

Stephen Brown at LeadOn 2008

Morning all,

Just a swift follow up on the LeadOn conference held at the University of Wales, Newport yesterday. A very impressive programme of speakers and some top quality networking opportunities. As Chair of the CIM in Wales I was pleased to continue our sponsorship of the event...but...of course most pleased to have persuaded Professor Stephen Brown from Ulster University to undertake one of the workshops. Well as you will know if you were there not so much as a workshop as a masterclass performance. How does he do that?

In my summation of his sessions I mentioned that he has been a large influence on my thinking for many years and somewhat a stimuli for the 'Agent Squirrel' approach to marketing literature. I also suggested that attendees seek out his books via Amazon...I of course suggest any one do this as they are thought provoking and brilliantly written. I have - along with Jackie Harris been listing the 'Marketing Code' as essential reading for most of our Marketing courses for some time we will shortly be adding 'Agents and Dealers' to that list - these may at first appear to be somewhat at odds to a university course as they are readable, affordable,have a story and engage the reader - they also make you think on many marketing levels!

So my sincere thanks to Stephen for his presence and insight - check his web pages out for more info on books and thoughts: http://www.sfxbrown.com/

During the day I undertook a few 'pit lane interviews' - this is what Martin Brundle does at the F1 races...( I guess that's actually DID as ITV no longer cover the F1 circus!) I did it at the event yesterday and the results will be on line very soon - my thanks to Phil Mansell 'my' camera man for the day.

Chat soon,

JHD

True Taste Awards 2008

Some events are just a must to attend - so was it this week on Thursday when the very nice people - and in particular my old friend Roger Pride - at Visit Wales (www.visitwales.com) invited me to the True Taste Awards Dinner at the Vale Hotel.

The event was attended by in excess of 400 guests and I had the pleasure of dining next to Mary Ann Gilchrist who just happens to be one of the few women ever to earn a Michelin Star for her food and currently chef patron at the wonderful Carlton Riverside - restaurant with rooms - in Llanwrtyd Wells, Powys. (http://www.carltonrestaurant.co.uk/) the pic above is from her site and I would recommend a call before visiting - it gets pretty booked for obvious reasons - but another good excuse nonetheless to visit Mid Wales this winter!

For me the highlight was the confectionery and puddings awards - and we diners were treated to some samples - my table had the ...now... award winning Gower Cottage Brownies - made by Kate Jenkins (above) go on buy some for Christmas! (www.gowercottagebrownies.co.uk)

What a joy to be able to yet again celebrate some excellent Welsh companies - taking on the world and much larger firms and proving that it's quality that matters to consumers!

JHD

Agent Squirrel - Business Intelligence Agent – ‘The Supremacy of Marketing’ Part 6

Squirrel – The Business – November 08

Agent Squirrel - Business Intelligence Agent – ‘The Supremacy of Marketing’ Part 6

Washington DC can be sweltering in the summer months. It’s a heat that really does bake the pavements…so that long into the evening you can still feel the temperature rising from somewhere below your knees. It’s a heat that ensures that nearly all buildings have air con and air con that’s turned up high…or is that low? Either way the August heat was slowly baking the capital city and a certain agent Squirrel.

Washington, thought Squirrel, as he made his way to meet his contacts, is a very European city. George town would not be out of place in many of our older settlements – it’s rather like the parts of Dublin – not the new bit of Dublin but the quiet leafy suburban neighbourhoods found along the road towards Blackrock.

But like most US cities and of course this being the Capital of cites it has a ‘downtown’. Europeans may well be put off by the name given to this district, mused a contemplative Squirrel as he strode away from the red brick of Georgetown towards the beige of the financial district of Foggy Bottom at the upper end of Pennsylvania avenue NW…but ‘down town’ was the business district – once home to merchant bankers and hedge fund traders and soon to be the hunting ground for Squirrels!

There is one feature of Washington that never ceased to amuse Squirrel – that the city planners maintained that it was to be a relatively low-rise city; no structure was allowed to be built higher than the Washington Monument – it was also a very green city and full of native squirrels. Which would mean that if applied to London no building would be taller than Nelson’s Column, in Cardiff this would be thus translated as no taller than that nice statue of Gareth Edwards in St. David’s Centre!

Squirrel was making his way towards the RV point that Preacher had text him some 12 hours ago before he left Aberdeen. It was just after 6.00am local time and due to the oncoming and ferocious mid morning heat most people were making their way to the office whilst it was still cool enough to do so without breaking out into a self induced shower of sweat. Some, more energetic were cycling or running to work which was bordering on suicidal – given that the average height of an SUV in this city was in danger of causing offence to city planners.

His destination was the Corner Bakery Store at 1801 Pennsylvania and the corner of 18th.

One block north Squirrel slowed and stepped into a shaded doorway of an insurance firm. From here he could see diagonally across the street to the store. As the name suggested it was on the corner, the south east corner – a busy intersection – but the sidewalks in this part of town were wide…a reflection of the wealth and success of many of the firms located here thought Squirrel ironically catching the highly polished name plate of his vantage point: AIG.

Anyhow the sidewalk doubled up as an overspill seating area for the bakery. Squirrel took in the aluminium tables and chairs…about – no – exactly 6 tables, around which was placed one of those fabric barriers you find in banks and post offices. The store looked neat. It carried the colours a bakery should be: corn yellow and coffee brown, with pull out shades and two sidewalk chalkboards.

Squirrel liked American breakfasts and the corner bakeries that served them – the people were always nice too, even at 6.00am. The breakfasts were more than adequate to set you up for the day and you were always guaranteed great coffee and free top ups…you could also spot a bakery at about 200 yards and in a country that drove rather than walked – that was just about adequate stopping distance!

Location and great customer service are the key in most things retail. He had a soft spot for this bakery – he always liked it and made a real effort to have at least one breakfast here whenever he was in town visiting ‘friends’ over in neighbouring Virginia.

What Squirrel noticed next made him smile – his contacts had arrived. Ambling down the sidewalk from the southern end of 18th Street, and three abreast (Squirrel made a note about the width of the sidewalk being more than he had calculated!) came his opposite numbers from the US. Although these guys were still on the right side of the marketing line.

They were clearly led by the short bald man in the middle. He was 62 years old and still wore silk Hawaiian shirts to the office! Bob Black was a son of Chicago, tough and always grumpy but now nearing retirement and as a marketing professor he was mellowing a little but was still sharp…he was also Squirrel’s adopted uncle.

To his left was a middle aged man in his 50’s, he wore the standard uniform of a US military man in casuals: chinos, blue shirt, dark blue blazer, stripy tie – Squirrel noticed that today Major Vince Armstrong wore the WestPoint academy tie! To Bob’s right and just in the shadow of the bakery shading was a guy about the same age as Bob, but dressed in blue jeans and off white sneakers, topped with a ‘grateful dead’ T shirt – very much a hangover from the drop out years: Vance Packard was a brilliant new media marketing strategist – not that you would know.

All three entered the bakery and Squirrel caught sight of them heading for the counter, Vince scanning the interior for trouble and Squirrels – which today could be one of the same.

Then Squirrel saw what he was looking for. Well he saw four things in an instance.

Firstly the blacked out Chrysler Voyager (why are they always black thought Squirrel – may as well just put an ad on the side!) pulling up on the street opposite.

Then the sun reflected on something in a window of an office above the bakery, almost immediately Squirrel noticed out of the corner of his left eye a flash of dust rising from the wall he was leaning against.

The next thing he saw was the inside of the AIG building – he was not going to stand around all day and be shot at after all – not even with a silenced rifle in the hands of a sporting marksman…for this was a marksman…otherwise there would be yet another DC squirrel to clean up and no chase!

To be continued…

Jonathan H Deacon wears red socks and is a thought leader at the Newport Business School

Sorry for the delay...

If only there were 28 hours in a day!
Awards - that's what I was going to tell you about...

A great night was had for Business School alumni at the 5 Counties Business Awards held at the Celtic Manor on the 24th. NBS are proud sponsors of the Entrepreneur of the year award and this year (because I was at another dinner!) Jackie Harris awarded one of the most deserved EoY awards.
This year we celebrated the work and achievements of Peter Lewis of IAC. Peter has been a post grad student of mine on several occasions and a successful one at that ( MBA, MA Marketing, CIM) - not bad for an engineer!!
He is also one of the most modest people I know and one that truly believes in investing in the skills and education of himself and his people. A very kind man who behind the scenes does all sorts of good things for the City of Newport. Well done Peter.

Then last week I was asked to MC an annual dinner that IAC host. I was able to announce that IAC had also won Wales Exporter of the year and Company of the year...brilliant for IAC, Peter and the team and brilliant for the City!

We were also delighted to note that NBS alumni: Adam Price (SEO Sitebuilder) and Paul Gray (Furniture Finders) were also shortlisted for the EoY award.

I have failed to find a photo of the event thus far - but as soon as I have one I'll post it.

JHD

Five Counties Business Awards and FG50...

Stockholm - poetry embedded into the middle of the street

OK - a full report coming soon - maybe tomorrow on these events - a great night however for Marketing and Entrepreneurship Alumni of the Newport Business School...In the mean time I thought I would treat you to one of my 'arty' photos - this time Stockholm.


Drop by tomorrow for a full report of the above awards!


JHD

Creatives Win!

Prith and Jill

Now here is a message to all my MBA students...listen carefully to what I have to say during my lecture series on Entrepreneurship!


One person - who - a few years ago did just that (and I went on to supervise her dissertation) was Prith Biant of Creatives in Cardiff - this lovely lady runs actually two very complimentary businesses - the one is an art brokerage and the other a creative thinking training company www.creatives.biz/training - both are doing well...so well that she has recently been awarded the South Wales Retail Business 2008 winner - how good is that!


She can be seen above with her mentor and old friend of mine Jill Goring. Many more awards will come Priths way I'm sure...so it pays to listen and get an MBA!


Off to the Fast Growth 50 Dinner in Cardiff tonight and Jackie is awarding...well awards at the Five Counties Business Awards at the Celtic Manor...lets hope more success for Newport Business School Marketing and Entrepreneurship alumni.

Is it me or does everyone feel like James Bond with a dinner suit on? Its just me isn't it!!

JHD

Crisis...what crisis...?

I have been banging on about this for the last few months on the Radio and in fact any chance I have been given...but not as you may expect me to comment.
In that we have fallen foul of the media frenzy surrounding the volatile movements in the stock market - particularly the financial stocks (or more precisely those stocks belonging to financial service firms...like Banks!) as if they were some form of participation sport or a contestant from X Factor!

In reality the difficulty has come about because banks are not prepared to trade (lend) to each other and that has created a run on liquidity - OK we are all guilty of having far too many things on credit personally but if the banks don't lend to each other then the system grinds to a halt.
Now - you have to ask a question here...is the economy any worse off than say a month ago? Well in real terms not really - OK we are likely to see an increase in unemployment and the inflation rate has gone up but in the real world...well...fuel has come down, the cost of food is falling, some mortgages will soon be cheaper and small firms across Wales (and the UK) are still making very good products and keeping their customers happy (in most cases).

So why the problem? Well the press has whipped up a storm about credit crunch issues (actually these were at first contained within the financial markets as I commented on the BBC the other day) and this has in turn created a sort of mass depression in the country with a lot of people feeling quite anxious about the future and in turn this is effecting their buying and spending habits and this will in turn of course become a self fulfilling prophesy...in that the economy will slow and people will lose their jobs.

In the case of the market (stock market - FT 100 that sort of thing) we are never going to see the bottom fall out of it...because once all the small and speculative investors have cashed in (because they fear that there is no bottom - this is called capitulation by the way) the market will find its feet and then bounce back with some style - and some people will make a lot of money...remember a guy called George Sorros? The question is are we near the bottom? I thought we were about two weeks ago...OK so I got that wrong...so now I think about the end of this week!

But remember this about the stock market - however you dress it up and however many economists talk about it with conviction - no one knows and they are all just guessing...like punters at a race track...but playing with money that they don't normally have! Is it a good system...it's the best we have in a dynamic economy and as we have seen is sort of self leveling.
The answer - well you know that one - small firms being entrepreneurial and innovative with great marketing will always win (check out the Welsh Fast Growth 50 for evidence www.fastgrowth50.com) - because they always have what people want in any economic condition...the interesting thing about the tide going out fast is that you can see who has been swimming naked.

I'll tell you a tale about marketing in a downturn soon...just waiting to see if the company involved want to say something to me first before I publish...so stay tuned!
JHD

Canmol Awards 2008 - some photos from Thursday...

OK - This is JHD, Andrula Webb (MD of a very fine design agency and lover of very fast cars!) and Delyth Lewis - who has recently taken a marketing role at Newport Unlimited.

Second photo - the Canmol Winners 2008 - congratulations all.




JHD

technology I use...

Photo - tour de France 07 - Pentax body and lens

I mentioned the other day - my amusement at the pace of technological change and soon after I received an email from my friend and technology entrepreneur Rod Drury - he of Xero software in New Zealand http://www.xero.com/ - any how - when he had a blog...which ran for several years and was at times the most informative source of technology info on the web - he used to have a little feature about the type and make of the technology he was using...everyday - so he suggested that I should do something similar!

So tech-heads here goes:

My latest investment has been in a brilliant webpadbook thing from Acer - the Aspire One - this is small and light - it is no bigger than a pad of paper and about the same weight and is about the tenth of the cost of a Sony! I think I paid about £200.00 all up...go on take a look: http://www.acer.co.uk/aspireone I just need a nice red leather cover for it now...anyone?

Other than that I have had a Sony phone for years - the one I use right now is the K810 which is fully loaded and triband GPS linked..oh er!

My home PC system is a mix of Zwire/Netlabs the ubiquitous Dell server and a custom system made for me by Vision Computers http://www.visioncomputercentre.co.uk/ if you live in Wales then please use this company - they are both entrepreneurial and very, very good!

OK what else can I tell you? I have only ever used Pentax stills cameras as they take nice photos and my current expedition model has a very good anti shake feature...which is handy in some circumstances and I still have my very old film SLR. Although I notice most of the TV people I work with use Sony equipment.

As far as wheels goes - I have ridden Giant Mountain Bikes for a long time (I have a Team Issue) and last year splashed out and bought a road model from their range - both of which are faultless - it's just the old bloke on the saddle that falls off! (don't think they have a web site - so make a day out of it: Gateway Cycles Abergavenny are the people to visit)

I must write about the financial meltdown this week as everyone else is! so stay tuned and watch out for squirrels!

JHD

Oh and I nearly forgot..my drum kit is an Alesis DM5!

Canmol - the Welsh Marketing Awards

The flash guns were ...well flashing and the red carpet was...red! What a splendid night of celebration was had.
I'm talking about the inaugural Welsh Marketing Awards - Canmol - http://www.cimcymru.co.uk/ which took place in Cardiff last night...this morning. The Chartered Institute of Marketing Canmol awards for Wales are about celebrating the very best examples of marketing execution throughout Wales and I hope setting the standards and creating ideas for others to follow. The event last night was just brilliant - It has been my desire for several years now to host such an event in Wales as a platform to expose the rest of the world to the excellence that Welsh marketers continue to practice - and last night we saw just how good we are.

So my great thanks to:
the University of Wales, Newport - headline sponsors and home of Professional Marketing Excellence in Wales for the past 20 odd years - it was such a joy to look around the rather glittery room last night and see so many successful marketers who are alumni of the Newport Business School...makes the job of an academic so worthwhile! http://www.newport.ac.uk/

The occasion was also supported by many of the top Welsh marketing organisations like:
Stills and imaginet and Cardiff and Co and Zenith and Saville and Real Radio and inka and brazil...thank you all.

Special mention though to Tiger Tiger for letting an old man in...well were holding the event there! and of course Caroline and Kate from Cazbah http://www.cazbah.co.uk/- the most professional of event organisation companies by far!

As a reminder:
64 entries were received and this was reduced down by the judges to 16 shortlisted entries. These are, in no particular order: Audiences Wales; Elfen; University of Wales Institute, Cardiff; Vibe; The Penderyn Distillery; True Food Marketing; Adra; Torfaen County Borough Council; Control Techniques; Corus Colours; PHS Washrooms; Real Radio; Amlwch Leisure Centre; The Celtic Manor Resort and finally Visit Wales with two entries.

Dr Peter Noyes, Vice-Chancellor of The University of Wales, Newport, the headline sponsors for Canmol presented the first award to -Amlwch Leisure Centre

Chris Moore, from Real Radio to presented the second award to Visit Wales.

Caroline Challinor from Cazbah made a presentation to Torfaen County Borough Council.

David Lea from Stills Design awarded the fourth Canmol to Corus Colours.

Richard Thomas from Cardiff & Co presented the final award of 2008 to Control Techniques.

Every one a winner as they say! Well done to all and now I'm off to bed...even as a coffee only drinker my head hurts...but you really must be there next year!

JHD (photos posted 12.10.08 above)

The Marketer...free and on line

Isn't technology just mind blowing? Well listen it is for me! I come from an age before microwave ovens and can remember the excitement in our house when my parents bought a 'pop up' toaster...simple days.

Any how - I write this, whilst sat in a presentation at the Chartered Institute of Marketing (CIM) HQ in Berkshire - and I just had to get this out to you.

OK two things:

1) I have added a subscriber link for those who have asked for it - it means that you should get a little notification when I post - as I don't post every day...

2) The CIM have just put the Institutes journal on line for free...this is quite a good read and will keep you informed of most of the headline stuff happening in the world of marketing on a pretty regular basis - of real interest to the students amongst you will be the jobs pages.

so go see: - http://www.themarketer.co.uk/

Oh no...the presenter has seen me typing...he's throwing somethin.............

£70 million in the first week of opening!

No I'm not talking about the latest Hollywood blockbuster but the recent sale of Damien Hurst work in London...and do you know what? most of this art will never see the light of day and all of it will just continue to grow in value - Hurst by the way has got to be the art world king of marketing kings.

But you and I can also invest in some art and in doing so invest in some people that could really do with a little help right now. I have been investing in art for some years now and today had occasion to visit the Ghosts in Armour exhibition at the Riverside Theatre in Newport...and yes did a little deal on a nice piece.

I have known the artists in the exhibition for quite a while as they set up a business on leaving the Newport School of Art and Design (http://www.punctumphotographic.co.uk/) and really they deserve all the commercial help they can get...why? well because their work is fantastic - it's innovative and creative and makes you think - they are also young entrepreneurs that want to pay their own way in the world and well...sometimes it's good to help others...right!

The work of Matt Wright is particularly striking - can you imagine how he could photograph your next product...or create images for your web site...come on you just have to take a look...get some of his work now while it's still this side of 10K a shot and get him to turn the heads of your clients and customers with shots of your company that really does defy description but will create WOW! http://www.ghostsinarmour.com/

JHD

Olympics 2012 - ops I've just broken the law!

As Chair of the CIM in Wales I appear to get invited to a lot of buffets - Breakfast, lunch and dinner...this morning was another such occasion.

Today I was chairing a breakfast meeting in Cardiff given by Mark Stewart - who is head or research at the CIM - on the subject of the Olympics 2012.

In Wales we have yet to receive anything like the amount of contracts that have been issues to other parts of the UK - indeed in many cases the concept that Wales will have any part of the London games appears to be completely missing - take for example the issue of the canoeing and kayak events - in Bala (North Wales) we have some of the finest white water in the world so the London committee decide to host this event in Norfolk - possibly the flattest county in the UK with a discernible lack of the white stuff...Mmmm...

Any how - marketers beware - for us this will be the most legislated games of all time. There will be little room for guerrilla marketing as the Mc brand police will have eyes and ears everywhere.

Just as an example Mark gave us a list of the words that - if used in combination - would/will contravene the London 2012 legislation (yes I repeat legislation - this has been passed by Parliament as a law!).

Take a look - two lists...take care now!

Listed Words
Two of the words in List A or any word in List A with one or more of the words in List B
List A:
Games
Two Thousand and Twelve
2012
Twenty-Twelve

List B:

Gold

Silver

Bronze

London

Medals

Summer

Sponsor/s

For more info get your hands on the CIM's 'Shape the Agenda' - 'Marketing and the Olympics' or take a look at the following links:

http://www.competefor.co.ukcompanies/ of any size can register to compete for available tenders
•www.traintogain.gov.ukBroker resource to enable companies to find qualified workers in many sectors; this will remain as a business resource after the Games
•www.businesslink.gov.ukalso carries details of the requirements
•www.london2012.comhas a Business Network and Working for 2012 sections

This in my opinion amounts to restriction of practice for marketers and we need to campaign as a profession against such restrictive legislation...

OK - time for another danish pastry now...by the way the pic is Resi Stiegler - the US downhill skier with the Kellogg's Tony the Tiger ears -Kellogg was not an official sponsor of the Winter Olympics but Stiegler wore the ears...guerrilla or creative marketing - whatever you think it would be outlawed in London twentysomething...

JHD

Alternative...yes a very good one!

Just a short note - as I'm keen to let you know about a rather brilliant evening out I had last night in Cardiff...stay with me on this one!

I and a lovely lady spent the evening at the Chapter Art Centre (in Cardiff) at a performance of 'Slow Genius' - who are an improv comedy group of five very articulate and funny ladies. What makes them worthy of comment here is not only that they are going to be a big hit on the scene... and I want to claim my association early on...but they also are commercially astute.

They also organise corporate training days and the like - which - judging by their performance last night would be one staff development day that I would not want to miss! I have always thought that learning whilst smiling and laughing is a much more valuable experience than hoping that the session will end early so that you can escape...

So if you are planning a corporate event in the near future get these ladies involved...you heard it here first!!

Check them out on: http://www.slowgenius.co.uk/

JHD

Santander - a very special place

What a week! Spain and Switzerland!!

I have been a visiting academic to a Spanish University for a few years now and twice a year - or thereabouts - I have the pleasure of saying Ola to friends in Santander. If you have ever visited this delightful place - and not just used the ferry terminus - you will know that the headland and 'old town' are just wonderful. The beaches - even this week - were spotless and actually very inviting - although a little cold. This did not put the surfers off though.

Any how - on the flight back to Stanstead...yes I flew Ryanair - no I did not opt for first class Ryanair style - you know where you get to stand at the front of the que - what a great idea that is...Micheal O'Leary is the only man on earth who can get away with charging you to que for a service that you have already paid for...brilliant...just brilliant!

Any how - on the flight back to Stanstead I dipped into a very good book which will be of interest to anyone who, like me, is interested in the tribes - so I recommend: 'Consumer Tribes' by Bernard Cova, Robert Kozinets and Avi Shankar and published by Butterworth Heinemann. Cova has been a prety big influence on my thinking for the past 10 or so years and the book also has a chapter by Douggie Brownlie of Stirling University a man who has a massive intellect and whose conversation I have always enjoyed...so buy and read this book! Another tribal book hit my desk recently that I must also commend to you - more of a management and leadership book really but nonetheless a good one - a kind of cross between Bruce Parry and Drucker - its called: 'The Tribal Business School' by Jo Owen and hardback at the moment only from Jossey-Bass...but another good read.

On the lighter side - well maybe - take a read of Stephen Browns latest...'Agents and Dealers' - here the Celtic Brown parodies his New World namesake (Dan Brown) with another poke in the eye with a burnt stick - sideways view of everything from Sex toys to Paperback Pop! Thanks SB.

Chat soon all - stay tuned - TV coming soon...

JHD

Vanfest - where old volks go!

Many know that I have been restoring a VW camper van for what seems like years (well it is years!) as an antidote to the day job where I use whats left of my brain all day - well every September in Malvern a market tribe of VW van owners gather for a 3 day meeting - really an excuse to show off their toys and buy more shiny stuff...just love shiny things. Some people also I suspect show off their ladies...!

Any how - this is not a pic of my van but I saw this bumper sticker and thought of me! If you can't make it out it says:'Old Guys Rule'!

Stay cool - JHD

CIM Swansea symposium

Had the delight to attend and close the Chartered Institute event at the Liberty Stadium in Swansea on Thursday. Many thanks to Prof Palmer for the organisation and of course Richard H for the admin. A good day was had by all - with some exceptional insights into the use of technology for CRM.

My views on CRM are quite well known - in that today's tribal marketplace the concept should be re-written to represent CMR - Customers Managed Relationships - which is closer to the truth and reflects the fact that the market is active and not passive. I did enjoy the machinima stuff too - check this out at the following web link: www.rvb.roosterteeth.com hey why not place some of this into your next ppt presentation?

JHD

RCT Business Club - 11.09.08

Many thanks to all who attended the RCT Business Club last evening. I had an enjoyable evening and once I had presented my thoughts, had chance to chat with members and guests...oh and do a bit of TV stuff too!

Any how - a few points that were raised that I suppose need clarity today. Firstly I must apologise to the lady who thought that I was rather sexist...this I must admit was not intended - however I apologise - if it was about the images used at the front of the presentation...well they were all taken from the web site of the speaker who was unable to make the meeting - so I guess you may have seen them anyhow!

On to other points of interest - and the list of links for you to check out - try these for some inspiration, based on the discussions:

For more info on BabyBoomers - www.thematuremarket.com

Snack Culture - FizzyPOP - www.anything.com.sg

Snack Culture - financial info - www.wallstrip.com

and the YouTube link for 'PopStar' is: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=7uSlqI1AVUk

I think these will get the creative thoughts flowing and I would suggest discussing them with others in your organisation to enable a debate on the way that you go to market...now and in 2020!

Thanks again for your time last night and drop me a line if you want to know more or wish to make a comment.

JHD

6. Squrrel 'The Supremacy of Marketing' pt 4 First published in 'The Business' 08

Agent Squirrel – ‘The Supremacy of Marketing’ Part 5

Squirrel was ensconced on a Virgin Atlantic VS055 flight to Washington DC – seat 14A and was in a reflective mood. After all he had been on what appeared a simple mission to sort out some lingerie in Aberdeen and on first sight of the client he thought that the project would raise some interest from a marketing perspective – little had he banked on the kidnap attempt and the complete lack of marketing skills of the supposed client.

So these thoughts were now occupying his mind – that, and the delicate fingers of the in-flight beauty therapist who was gently massaging his head and neck. This, thought Squirrel, was a rather curious activity at thirty seven thousand feet – he was after all sat ‘up the front’ of the bus…where you turn left when you get on rather than trudging right and heading towards the back. Here the legroom was as good as a Bentley, the carpet bijou and the catering bistro arriving with the plastic wrap removed first…so why did he need the pamper? It would have perhaps been better to offer it to the parents of the unsettled child in row 41 – they looked like they could do with it (along with everyone in row 40,41 and 42) as Squirrel had observed on his half hourly stroll to the rear of the plane.

Adding value to the offering really only works if the value being added has meaning and from what Squirrel saw, the parents in row 41 would not only welcome that kind of offering but would probably tell everyone they met for a week about it…which in commercial terms thought Squirrel was a pretty good deal all round…whilst those passengers with expense accounts could extract social value by declining the service - a perfect pamper paradox thought Squirrel.

But there again – an attractive masseuse is an attractive masseuse and her fingers were certainly doing the walking…and Squirrel thought walking in rather a seductive way as if they were shod in 6inch heels and walking towards a large bed.

Washington DC, as every school child outside of the US apparently knows stands for District of Columbia – as opposed to Washington State, which was a coincidence as Preacher, Squirrels unofficial handler, had text him whilst he was waiting at Heathrow with instructions for a meet with old friends from Washington State.

‘You feel tense’ said the fingers in one of those New England type accents (like Mary-Ellen from the Walton’s),

‘I like camping equipment as much as the next person’ replied Squirrel eyes closed and slumping forward in his seat, head somewhere near his knees in order to allow the masseuse access to his shoulders, ‘ but I don’t really have the kind of fetish that needs to reach out and touch temporary nylon shelters – to be honest!’,

Fingers stopped – obviously computing the answer and working through the difference between spoken and written English – after a few seconds the fingers resumed normal service but soon made an excuse for the completion of the treatment. By the time Squirrel had surfaced from the 2 inch axminster Fingers had struck up a relationship with an attractive business lady in 12D – he was aware of furtive glances being thrown in his direction.

Eight and a half hours is just about bearable on a plane thought Squirrel, although he was now regretting being smart with Fingers the masseuse. The nice thing about Virgin was that the in-flight entertainment was about as good as it got; films, radio, albums even web browsing and telephone…although the cost of a call equated to the price he had paid for his first car and he wondered would he have to ask for the permission of the owner before he made ‘that call’?

Even so, the brilliance of the bearded brand was not to be overlooked. What you had here was a captive audience. It reminded Squirrel of a bar in Hamburg where you could pay to be held captive…but that was another story. No, here, above the rain - passengers paid to spend eight and a half hours as your customers or more precisely potential customers of all the other things your brand was associated with. Placing this concept into another context Squirrel mused why other businesses had not explored the idea. Just think about any waiting room in any office…what did they say about the business and what were they saying about the complimentary services on offer?

The Boeing B747 would deliver the flying Squirrel to Dulles airport in time for a late dinner. Washington people ate early in Squirrel’s experience and such Capitol Hill grazing habits extended to breakfast. He was due to meet his contacts at 6.00am at Corner Bakery on Pennsylvania Avenue – somewhat of an institution in ‘Capitol City’ –, which is the local’s nickname for the nation’s capitol city…conservative lot in Washington!

Squirrel’s mind wandered to Wales: Cardiff City of Culture, Swansea City by the Sea, Newport New City, Wrexham nuff said!

Longish flights were rather peaceful by and large for Squirrel. As a disavowed agent of the Institute most daily routines were conducted with caution, however once everyone was safely strapped into their seats and he had taken a casual but calculating look at the fellow occupants a flight was rather pleasant, if anyone wanted to cause harm to the Business Intelligence Agent in seat 14A they would wait until the arrivals hall at least – that would be the protocol – especially as weapons were a bit tricky to get onto a plane these days! He sat pondering these thoughts ballpoint pen in hand knowing full well that he was actually sat in row 13 but aircraft manufacturers were obviously more superstitious that Stevie Wonder who was, well: very.

The ‘Avon calling’ tone announced that the flight would soon begin its descent into Dulles – Squirrel had always thought that the Avon cosmetics firm had been slow to make more of this in-flight audio advertising…but there again who was going to open the door and let the Avon lady in?

He stretched, again regretting his glib comments to the soft and sensual digits of Fingers the masseuse. The plane landed with the customary bump and the customary comedian somewhere attempting to applaud – but such events were always accompanied by a collective sigh of relief throughout the cabin…he wondered if they had a round of applause on the flight deck? He was in no hurry to exit…the welcome from the guardians of homeland security would make sure that early exit from the cabin was no guarantee of an early exit from the terminal building.

But there was an upside to slowing down…Squirrel’s exit velocity matched that of the masseuse and the occupant of 12D…12D looked Squirrel straight in the eye: ‘you

goin

g do

wn town – wanna share a cab with Mary and me?’ she said, eyes darting towards Fingers and dart

ing back to Squirr

el while simultaneously extending a hand to be shaken, ‘I’m Ellen, and you are?’

‘Squirrel’ said Squirrel, ‘just Squirrel’.

30 minutes later the cleaning operative assigned to ‘premium’ found the empty

shell of a hazelnut on the arm of 14A…and later made a call. Hunting season for squirrels had just begun.


To be continued…

5. Squirrel 'The Supremacy of Marketing' pt 4 First published in 'The Business' magazine 08

Agent Squirrel: The Tyranny of Sameness from the ‘ Supremacy ofMarketing’

Squirrel quickly surveyed the scene. The hired muscle had fallen unconscious alongside the car at the rear of the hotel, having sustained a broken jaw and dislocated ankle and two, maybe three, broken ribs, one of which Squirrel hoped had punctured a vital organ or two. In front of him a tall and elegant, well dressed woman he had come to know as Star –was now pointing a gun at him. The place was empty, a few of those large green waste bins against the wall of the hotel and crates of empty bottles but otherwise a ‘dead space’ behind one building and in the shadow of others. Squirrel mused at the thought of architects designing places with such apt names.

Star held the weapon low and snug to her waist – that way anyone monitoring the poor quality CCTV cameras at the reception desk would have little reason to think anyone…let alone Squirrel was being held at gunpoint. From afar, or by way of a grainy screen it looked for all the world like two people having a chat - it was a fact that had not escaped Squirrel himself.

‘You have obviously done this sort of thing before…’ said Squirrel to his femme fatal ‘…hunting squirrels’,

‘No – you will be my first squirrel…now pick up the trooper and get him into the car!’ replied Star.

The hired muscle was out for the count alongside the car and would be pretty sore if he did come round and from where Squirrel was standing he looked ever so heavy…’look, Star…’ began Squirrel in a conciliatory tone, ’well thing is… I’m not really built for manual work…ask any one who knows me…and they will…’

‘soyez tranquille vous idiot’, Star now having reverted to her native langauge, a sure sign of stress from an agent alone in the field. Squirrel looked puzzled, not an uncommon feature of the average red squirrel it has to be said, those moments when they stop dead in their tracks and look puzzled – as if asking themselves: did I leave the light on under the stairs or have I paid the milkman this week?

‘No - never been there…been to Paris of course, the Bois de Boulogne…lovely trees’

An exasperated Star now raised her voice along with the gun: ‘shut up you idiot, no wonder the Institute disavowed you, you are a fool and you are wasting my time with this gibberish’.

Squirrel had rightly calculated that Star was not going to shoot him, her employers wanted him alive - for the moment anyhow, neither was she going to shoot and wound him as any gun shot would attract attention – even in a ‘dead space’, her only option was compliance via threat, Squirrel on the other hand just wanted to buy some time.

‘Well that’s where you’re wrong’, Squirrel started pointing a finger in the general direction of Star’s right shoulder, ‘ it’s the same with marketing communications: it’s all very well and good having something to say – like our tea is the best tea in the world, but it only works if you say it in a language that the audience or tribe understands…so the brand Builders Tea for instance – knows exactly the tribe who are going to buy it and accordingly uses a language that is shared by that tribe…’ Squirrel paused, he could see that Star was working out the options and he feared, given the look of incredulity on her face that shooting an endangered species was not after all off the list of possibilities!

He continued ‘…so my advice is that you should use a language that I am most likely to understand given my needs right now…saves a lot of wasted effort and if we were talking in commercial terms - cash too – otherwise you may as well be speaking a foreign language’.

‘Bravo’ she said,

‘There you go again!’ replied Squirrel.

She made a move to come closer to him, her body just tipping off the centre of balance and about to take a step forward when the rear door of the hotel began to open – a maid, from room service, was attempting to manoeuvre a large trolley out and had pushed the door with her back. Star quickly spun round to put her back towards the door in order to conceal the gun from the maid. Eventually the trolley and the maid made it through the door and as silence fell between the two agents the maid set about taking several black bags of waste to the bins. Star silently gestured with the barrel of the gun to Squirrel to move the prone body of the trooper- he reluctantly made a start on the task.

As he bent down to move the body he was aware of something falling towards him, actually it was a falling Star. He just managed to catch her before she hit the floor face down, her weapon was now missing, observed Squirrel. Standing now where just a few seconds ago Star had stood was the chambermaid with the 45 in her hand. At about five and a half feet tall and with strawberry blond curly shoulder length hair she was quite a different opponent. Then she spoke and Squirrel instantly knew he was in trouble…this girl had a Glaswegian accent!

‘Agent Squirrel?’ she asked.

‘Just Squirrel’ said Squirrel in a slightly depressed sort of way. Then he noticed the Mark Jacob shoes and Jasper Conran dress under the Mrs O tabard…this was no ordinary chambermaid!

‘Preacher sent me…it’s my first assignment…I’ve been watching your back…oh and thanks for the tip about which hand she had the gun in…watched it on the CCTV’ the chambermaid said in quick succession, ‘I’m Shirley…Shirley Knot’ holding out her hand to shake Squirrel’s but forgetting that she still had a loaded gun attached.

‘Surely not your real name?’ questioned Squirrel.

‘Aye ‘tis’, responded the less than amused Shirley. Squirrel had turned his attention to the fallen Star. He quickly removed one of her stockings to tie her hands, Shirley looked quite disgusted at the manoeuvre and the aplomb with which Squirrel had completed the task.

‘You’ve done that before haven’t you?’ she said accusingly

‘Might have’ said Squirrel.

‘Nice car, is it yours?’ she asked Squirrel, looking at the RS 4.

‘It is now’ he said ‘ I need to catch a flight to Washington, I’ll leave you to call the cleaners and removal people’. As he drove quickly away he glanced in the rear view mirror to see Shirley chatting on her mobile phone with two inert bodies at her ‘those shoes could be murderous’ feet – like some contemporary urban version of the classic Scottish hunting scene.

‘Hello Sir…Shirley Knot here…he’s headed for Washington’, she said.

‘Surely not!’ exclaimed Preacher.

4. Squirrel: 'The Supremacy of Marketing pt 3' First published in The Business Magazine

Agent Squirrel: The Tyranny of Sameness from the ‘The Supremacy of Marketing ’

He woke with a start – and effortlessly and silently in one movement slid out of the bed and was upright, gathering the ball point pen off the table by the side of the bed as he did.

The Aberdeen hotel room was actually quite plush and the drapes on the window would have been a good inhibitor of the available light – even at 2.30am – but Squirrel rarely slept with the curtains fully closed. This allowed the Business Intelligence specialist to just make out the shadow of a person in the darkest corner of the room…also the scattered female underwear that littered the floor like so many fallen leaves in autumn.

‘Looks like the night after the night before an Ann Summers party’ said the voice of the shadow.

‘I prefer Agent Provocateur’ replied the calm as a lightly chilled cucumber Squirrel, ‘and why can’t you just knock the door like everyone else?’

The shadow considered this concept for a few seconds as Squirrel padded off to the bathroom, ‘just wouldn’t fit with the Institutes protocol’ the shadow called after Squirrel closed the door.

Upon his return the shadow had turned the desk lamp on and was busying making a cup of tea. ‘Preacher’ had been Squirrels handler for too many years to remember and was the conduit between the agent and the Institute – although as a disavowed agent no one was supposed to know that Squirrel was still involved – a sort of under cover, undercover marketing agent.

Preacher was a learned man, he looked like one too Squirrel always thought – although the soft exterior gave little away of his inner capabilities. He was a multi linguist (of course) and was known to stand on one leg and play the flute…just like Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull – Squirrel had never seen this spectacle…for which he was thankful, he also had the ear of the director and one or two interesting government types…the preacher and not Jethro Tull.

‘What time are they picking you up?’ asked Preacher.

‘8.30, rear entrance - they want me to go with them to the US office…Washington…later today’, replied Squirrel in a flat monotone befitting 2.30am.

Preacher looked over the top of his metal-rimmed specs, ‘sounds like something’s going down in the world of lingerie’, he said without a hint of comedy timing which was slightly disappointing given the line, ‘you had better tell me what you know so far about your friend Star and her taste in foundation garments’.

‘Well it’s like this’, began Squirrel, ‘ here we have a company – for all intents and purposes a lingerie firm, who claim to sell their garments over the web, but the office that I was taken to was completely devoid of underwear and as far as I could see there were few if any staff engaged with sales’.

‘Could be that they have a warehouse elsewhere?’ suggested Preacher.

‘Using a fulfilment company for stock holding and packaging is a sound idea, especially if your core expertise lie in other directions, it cuts down on the overheads and packaging costs…but I’m not convinced of their core expertise – even on the internet you need to make yourself visible…’ tailed off Squirrel.

Preacher had by now picked up a discarded lacy item from the floor, ‘looks like expensive stuff too – difficult to move on the net when everyone is in a race to the bottom…excuse the pun’ he said.

‘That’s the thing’ mused Squirrel, ‘these samples they left me’, he looked up to find a doubtful look on Preacher’s face ‘they are very good quality – now quality can and does sell on the net – no reason why not – just a matter of presentation, if you like the quality of the shop front…but this lot – none had a label of manufacture and so no authenticity or differentiation for the supposed customer’.

‘You mean that people like to know where things have come from as it adds a value to the shopping experience…that sort of thing?’ questioned Preacher.

‘Spot on…and another thing – the coffee boy in the office: he’s a West Point graduate’ announced Squirrel. Preacher knew instantly that this was not traditionally the sort of occupation that a past student of the US elite military academy fell into upon leaving the employ of the government. Preacher drank his tea and made his exit…this time through the door, ‘I’ll do some digging, I have some friends in Langley – see if they can ident a cross dressing marine’.

‘I didn’t say that he was a cross dresser’, called Squirrel at Preacher
as he made his way down the corridor. The conversation had evidently roused the occupant of the room opposite, a rigger on shore leave by the looks of the ‘love and hate’ tattoos on his knuckles as he filled in his room doorframe annoyed at intrusion to his sleep. He looked at Squirrel, then the departing shadowy figure and the scattered lingerie on the floor of the room opposite and with a withering look on his face muttered ‘cross dressers’ and slammed his door.

8.30 sharp the RS4 Audi appeared at the rear entrance, as did the two front seat occupants. First out was the ex marine, Squirrel noted that today he was wearing black for a change…but thought better of saying it! On the other hand Star, wore a grey velvet vintage Charlotte Halton mini dress with matching black leather stiletto boots – which meant that getting out from behind the wheel of an RS4 was more an act of escapology than exit from a vehicle…nice though the sight was!

They approached Squirrel – a little too hastily he thought, but perhaps Star could mind read! The ex marine had grasped Squirrel’s left elbow and was applying a little too much pressure on the ball of nerve endings that can be found there…if you know where to look…and was steering him towards the back door of the Audi.

‘Hey why the rush!’ asked Squirrel intuitively sensing danger.

‘Sorry about this’, replied Star in her soft French Canadian accent ‘ but we think you have something we need and we really can’t take no for an answer’.

‘Better try this for an answer then…’ said Squirrel as he slammed his heel into the soft and painful front of the marine’s left ankle, he lost his balance and as he did so Squirrel brought his now free elbow up to meet the falling bodyguard’s ear – causing instant pain and further unsteadiness – he began to fall forward semi-unconscious and as he did so Squirrel jabbed a hand at his opponent’s lower rib cage, as it passed his waist, breaking at least two in the process – all of which took no more than a few seconds.

Then he heard the unmistakable sound of the safety catch coming off a Canadian Para Black Watch .45 pistol.

Turning to face the now armed and extremely seductive Star, Squirrel thought ‘where had she hidden that?’ but asked simply: ‘marine’?

‘No’ she said slowly ‘I’m commando – now get in the car’.

To be continued…

3. Squirrel 3 - ' The Supremacy Marketing pt 2'

The journey to the non descript office black at Altens took no time at all, the tone of the Audi V8 was the automotive equivalent of a Cadbury flake advert from the not so PC 80’s – Star had cut through the ring road hatch back and rep mobile flotsam with the skill of a touring car champion, except this champion was wearing 6ich stiletto heals…this could be an interesting day thought Squirrel.

The office was one of those shared and serviced varieties. The block could have been anywhere, any town, any state,– a sort of grey concrete with tinted grey windows and grey metal doors. Altens is one of those places, always on the outskirts of a city someplace, always near a ring road and always populated by fast food ‘drive throu’s’ and featureless express hotels in a state of sameness the world over.

‘just out of interest’ said Squirrel, ‘is the receptionists name Grey?’

Star looked somewhat puzzled at such a suggestion, her sideways glance momentarily took her eyes off the task of parking the RS at, what Squirrel thought, was an unhealthy speed. The antilock braking system, by now, working very hard to cease the forward motion of Vorsprung durch Technik.

‘so, you have been to Aberdeen before’, Star stated without once looking at the proximity of the other vehicles within near accident distance of the now stationary Audi.

‘No’ he lied, in his game it paid to be selective with the truth about movements and people, ‘According to the poster at the airport this is Europe’s oil capital, and so it strikes me that this is a funny place to set up a lingerie firm’.

‘We trade internationally, Squirrel’, dismissed Star, ‘that’s the beauty of the Internet. No barriers, level playing field, everywhere accessible at the click of a mouse and the lick of a stamp’. Star expressed this last comment with a practiced air – it sounded like a strap line to an advertisement or a well-rehearsed comment made during a corporate death by power-point presentation.

Squirrel extracted himself from the clutches or was it caress of the Audi, gathered his bag and followed Star into the building. She walked with the ease and seduction of a cat walk model her body swaying gently as she moved upon three pivot points: shoulders, hips and ankles, the stiletto heals presenting a self administrated impediment to accelerated movement, for which Squirrel at that moment was quite thankful. Star ushered Squirrel into the building and then unhurriedly into an office on the first floor, after she had elegantly ascended the staircase.

By the time he had ensconced himself into the leather of the tub office chair he felt as if he had been drizzled in treacle and wrapped in cotton wool – something, he thought, is not quite right here, although he knew a club in Hamburg where such a service could be provided at a small extra cost…and all in the name of customer service!

‘coffee?’ she asked as she positioned herself behind a large and glass toped desk.
‘is it instant?’ Squirrel enquired with the air of a poker player raising the stake at a winner take all late night game. He had an aversion to instant coffee; to him it was like calling cream soda, Champaign, mind you with the ever growing Starbuckisation of society perhaps even the days of quality coffee were numbered. He had been in New York recently and noticed that apartments were now being sold on the basis of their close proximity to coffee stores – how close you’re nearest caffeine fix, who needs off road parking.

‘I’m disappointed you have to ask’, replied Star, ‘but in answer to the question…it’s Columbian arabica.’, she turned and remover her long coat to reveal a black top and silk pencil skirt combination: the outfit was quality and probably Heaven and Earth thought Squirrel…and this side of a glass top desk it looked like heaven.

The décor in the office was minimalist and chic, white walls, grey carpet, abstract poster art in the style of Steez on the wall and the ubiquitous vertical blind to shade the sun. What struck Squirrel was the complete absence of lingerie, no frills, no spills no how do they pay the bills anywhere to be seen. She had caught his visual audit of the space as she spoke to a person charged with coffee making duties some distance off. She replaced the handset, without taking her eyes off him – and did so a little too slowly for his liking.

‘you’re a fan of Steez, Squirrel?’,

‘Not especially, although The Kiss has some artistic merit I think, the spray paint and graffiti reminds me too much of the inner city and a rather delightful subway back in Wales’, although as he now thought about it – that very subway had become a backdrop for an episode of Dr Who, you never know perhaps it would make the Dr Who location tour sometime later this millennium…perhaps not.

‘I couldn’t help but notice that there is a distinct lack of underwear in this room’, deliberately changing the direction of the conversation and as he did so, he noticed a flicker of subconscious recognition cross Stars face, ‘given that you are a purveyor of such things I thought that you may have some of the samples…well…on display, framed up as art, break the mould create the value – if you’ve got it flaunt it’.

‘We sell via the internet, not from the office’, replied Star, her voice showing signs of tension, as if he had temporarily spoiled her game, but he had a sureness that normal service would soon be resumed on that front.

‘That’s all well and good, but what about the people in the office, they need to have a constant reminder of the business they are in, the quality of the offering and the physicality of the goods – it comes across in the way they speak to people in emails and on the ‘phone…I’ve looked at your site and you make recommendations for products…these must be authentic – otherwise people will see through the hype and Google someone else’s knickers’.

She blinked and blinked again in quick succession; ‘so even though we may never meet the customer and only ever communicate at a distance we should all have personal experience of the product portfolio in order to authenticate the value?’ the question was uttered more as an audible thought than a reply and uttered very slowly.
‘yes’ said Squirrel, ‘if you were selling coffee, how could you describe with any passion what that coffee was like and how could you treat it with care if you had never experience the java jive?’,

‘I see your point’ said Star.

At that moment and as if summoned by the mention of coffee, coffee arrived – the tray being delivered by a tall, athletically built male, in his mid thirties and to Squirrels trained eye more able to take care of people in ways less accommodating than by offering them a cup of coffee. He passed a cup to Squirrel and in doing so exposed for a fraction of a second the face of the gold ring that he had on his right hand little finger. Squirrel knew it’s significance instantly – it was a West Point class ring.

‘Thank you’, said Squirrel, to the crew cut topped, lightly tanned face an arms length away.

‘ You’re welcome, Sir’, came the reply in a thinly disguised Upper East Side accent.

As Squirrel contemplated the coffee, the glass toped desk and the lack of underwear, he just couldn’t help but think: something was not quite right here…

To be continued…

2: Squirrel – The life and times of a Business Intelligence Agent.The Business 01.08

The beginning of the year is a time for taking stock, making plans and eating the boxes of biscuits let over from Christmas. So I reflect…we have been through a lot you and I, I have been writing this column since the very first edition and collectively we have won some nice awards for the trophy cabinet and a few industry accolades…but perhaps this year it’s time for a change?

So allow me to indulge myself for a while.

The Business has always set out to be something a little bit different from ‘other’ business magazines…perhaps a little alternative? So this year I will occasionally serialise extracts from what yet may be my next book: ‘The Supremacy of Marketing’– it is based upon the principle that most ‘text’ books about business are, to be honest, as dry as a dusty place without a Dyson…no sex or violence and very few laughs!

So an introduction - this is a story about a Business Intelligence operative named: Squirrel.

'The Supremacy of Marketing'

It was a midwinter’s day, the sort of day where the weather hovers between fog, rain, snow and frost; indecisive, indifferent and inconvenient, yes inconvenient as a choice of coat would always be a lottery on such a day. The choice of coat, however, had not been a worry to the figure jogging silently through the woods lost in thought and yet alert to the subtle changes in the shadows of the perfectly planted pines that edged the path and dictated the runner’s destination.

Squirrel was dressed in his customary black running gear: he had once answered an acquaintance who had enquired as to the need for black, with the reply: ‘it’s off black – sort of grey…acts as a camouflage when I’m out in the woods’. Pulled tight around his ears was an ‘off black’ military style skull cap, under which the slightest of glimpses of ginger hair could be seen. He enjoyed the solitude of the woods, a place to think, only occasionally interrupted when he would startle a walker or someone walking a dog…they just couldn’t hear him coming. He had always had a strange attraction towards woods.

He was running and thinking…not by way of demonstrating, contrary to popular belief, that men can multitask: but because he was mentally reflecting on the brief that his current client had tasked him with. This was one of those clients that it was hard to say no to in fact you probably would not want to say no to! The brief had been given to Squirrel by his handler ‘Preacher’, on a bench overlooking ‘little Switzerland’, several weeks before and the same ‘Preacher’ had made the arrangements for a meet.

In the world of Business Intelligence, certainly at the level that Squirrel operated, clandestine and global, an agent needed a handler. The handler acted, as a conduit for organisations that had market development issues, but for sensitive commercial reasons did not want to be seen to have called in the consultants – ‘insultants’ Squirrel called them – on account that far too many were poorly trained and quite unaware of the dangers that they were putting people in. Good ones were hard to find and were acknowledged specialists who had been field agents for a long time…and the very good ones never advertised the fact.

The meet had been arranged by Preacher…in Aberdeen. ‘Aberdeen!’ exclaimed Squirrel at the time… ‘Why Aberdeen?’

‘Our contact has retail interests in Scotland and let’s be honest any further East and you’ll be in Stavanger…that’s in Norway, Squirrel’, explained Preacher, in what Squirrel thought was excessive geographic precision, give or take a few North Sea oil fields, ‘and’ continued Preacher ‘no one knows your face in Aberdeen’, Nor for that matter any other part of me, amused Squirrel.

‘What’s the problem?’ Squirrel asked

‘Well’ began Preacher, ‘the contact has a small chain of retail stores and also has an on line offering – trouble is that sales are falling and the web site just isn’t delivering, add to that the fact that the accountants are unhappy and the bank manager insist on weekly meetings…it could be a tough nut to crack’

‘and I’m the man for a nut…tough or otherwise’ replied Squirrel, without a hint of irony, which was ironic. ‘what type of business?’

‘Lingerie – up market female underwear’, Preacher detailed

‘I know what lingerie is’, snapped Squirrel, recounting in his mind a recent encounter with a Spanish Basque or was that a Basque made in Spain? ‘ So in essence, just to clarify’, Squirrel began in order to clarify the situation, ‘ this is a complicated brief about knickers with hard nuts’, He paused for effect, ‘sounds more like a medical issue than a commercial one’,

Preacher was less than amused with Squirrels summation,‘ here are the details’, he muttered, passing a brown A4 envelope to Squirrel, before standing and walking away without further comment, several seconds later he turned to issue a final command to Squirrel, ‘the contact’s name is Star’ he said to a now empty bench, save for the empty shell of a hazelnut.

The flight from Bristol to Aberdeen had taken just under two hours, the Jetsteam 41 offering superb early morning views of the snow capped Cairngorms on its long decent into Aberdeen. Squirrel had spent the flight alternating between three thoughts: why had the business suited man in front of him taken so long to complete the Times Sudoko?, creating life scenarios for the other 28 passengers on the flight , based on what they were wearing (this was a short lived pastime as all bar one of the passengers were men and judging by the conversation, clothing and complexion the majority worked on a rig 120 miles off shore), and musing about what would happen if one of the blades of the propeller, now a blur just outside the window, were to break free, if you were lucky, he thought you would have a crash course in free fall – the only sport in the world where you will never learn from a mistake!

Aberdeen airport is the busiest airport in the world…well for helicopters, as he stepped down from the plane and was re associating himself with his artic parker (the plane being so bijou that wearing a coat and sitting in a seat were not compatible concepts) he eyed a long line of oversized wasps coming in to land from the North East, the majority in the red, white and blue of the Bristow fleet.

Squirrel had no difficulty in identifying the contact, in an arrivals area full of boots, beards and quilted shirts: a tall, spiky blonde, slim and elegantly dressed siren stood out like the only gift under the Christmas tree during a retail recession as she visually interrogated the arrivals board. As he approached her Squirrel could not but wonder what was being worn under the long black (or was that dark grey) fur coat, given that she obviously travelled in lingerie.

‘Squirrel’ he said as he stood alongside her and followed her stare toward the arrivals screen, ‘I hear you have a problem in the underwear department’.

Without changing the direction of her sight line, she unhurriedly replied: ‘you come highly recommended Mr Squirrel’, slowly turning to face him during the last few syllables of the sentence; uttered, unmistakeably in the unique accent of a French Canadian.

‘Just Squirrel’ replied Squirrel, in middle-Monmouthshire monotone, without the need for further comment she led the way to the silver Audi RS4 conveniently parked on yellow lines behind the concrete anti terrorist barriers…one day this will make a good book thought Squirrel…

To be continued…


Jonathan H Deacon wears red socks and helps create the businesses of tomorrow at the Newport Business School